Evaluating Intercultural Behaviour

In hall, I have a close bunch of friends who are practically my family; we live in the same wing on the same floor of the same block, eat dinner in hall together every day, do various hall activities together, know the same people (or rather mostly everybody in hall), share the same gossips etc. In short, the nine of us spend almost all our time together when we are not having classes or when we are not out of hall (actually some of us take the same modules together and go out quite often together). Since we are all in our third year, we have been living this way together for the past three years. Although we all come from different backgrounds and culture, which explains the inevitable clashes we have at times, we all get along pretty well and are quite fond of one another.

There was once, Amy had a house-warming during the weekend and she invited just the bunch of us and some others (around 15 altogether) for lunch and an afternoon of movies, Guitar Heros and Wii. Most of us met beforehand somewhere nearby and walked over together. When we arrived, we greeted her mother and said our hellos to her brothers who were around at that time. After we had our lunch and were comfortably settled in the living room playing games, some of the others started to arrive and join us. What I noticed (or rather, only realized at hindsight) is that the ones who streamed in late also greeted Amy’s mum, who was shuffling between the kitchen and the living room, playing the hostess and talking to some of us. However, there was one friend, Melissa, who came in and after taking one look at Amy’s mum, who happened to be near the door, gave no acknowledgement or whatsoever. She simply turned her attention to us and joined in the merriment as if Amy’s mum was a servant and not worthy of her attention. There was an awkward moment between Melissa and Amy’s mum as the latter was obviously expecting a greeting when Melissa simply looked away. No one really noticed it as most of them were engrossed in the game but I happened to observe this seemingly insignificant “exchange” and was deeply shocked by Melissa’s rude behaviour.

Before I go on, I would like to give some background information on Melissa so that it is easier to understand why I was shocked. Melissa comes from a well-to-do family and her relatives are people of stature. Like her family, she is a devout catholic and has been sent to good schools prior to the university. She is amiable and friendly, but can be just a little judgmental and high-handed at times. She is well-liked by her peers, gets along well with people and comes across as mature to those who knows her.

Being brought up in a family where manners and respect for elders were greatly emphasized on, I could not comprehend her lack of manners in this case and was appalled by what I saw. I tried to think of possible reasons for her inexplicable behaviour and even spoke to my close friend (who knew her as an acquaintance as well) about it as it has left quite a deep impression in me. How could someone as refined as her not possess the basic courtesy to greet the parent of a friend whose home she was visiting? After much thought, I concluded that she might have been overwhelmed by the number of people that were already there and forgot her manners at that point of time in a haste to be accepted into the group. But if I was wrong; if the reason for her behaviour was due to the lack of manners and respect, I must say that no amount of wealth, education and status can guarantee one’s upbringing and values.